The fuck? I know.

He was respected, prolific, brilliant. But that’s not why I slipped into his DMs.

He was working on something I wanted to know more about.

It was the beginning of a beautiful disaster.

Do I regret it?
No.

Does he?
Probably.

It opened fast.

I was an opt-in. Pulling in a warm lead means less selling and easier close. We went from warm lead to hot in two seconds.

The vendor positions himself as a strong option. I already knew it but I pressed him for the feature list anyway. 

It’s impressive, but that’s not why I liked him. Love is not a feature list. I was just curious as to what he would say.

I have entanglements. Prior vendors. Migration is difficult. I need to make sure we align.

He says he understands.

Deals take time.

My life is stakeholder heavy. As you get older life will do that to you.

He wants an answer.

“This is a high trust interaction.”

I tell him this verbatim.

For 42 years I’ve had to balance load. I need to examine the downstream effects because other systems are dependent on me. I have to think past first order effects. Every decision I make lives in second order at minimum.

And there is still,
A prior vendor.

Second and third order effects here mean I have to clear out all loose ends. We migrate clean or we don’t migrate at all.

Engagement now carries load from a prior open contract. I realize this is not something I am willing to carry. I tell the vendor that if I were to migrate at this time it will add cognitive load, a luxury I do not have. I need time, not pressure.

That’s where alignment breaks.

Comparison. The other vendor is the problem. He’s pushing for conversion. He compares features, combats my reasoning, but at this point I realize our values are no longer aligned.

I am processing this conversation in real time. I think about ironic parallels between my work and his. Deal making in high trust verticals isn’t a sprint, it’s a marathon. Deals in high trust environments aren’t about features, they’re about downstream effects like load and migration. Deals in high trust environments are about safety and probabalism of longevity. If a company doesn’t feel secure in this deal, it won’t matter how great the features are, because in a high trust vertical like cybersecurity, adding or migrating to a new vendor should reduce cognitive load, not increase it.

This vendor is still brilliant, his feature list is impressive, he is very much still a catch.

But right now, not for me.

Happy Valentine’s Day to all those building trust in love and cybersecurity!

Strategy matters but
Trust moves markets (and love).

— Rhea Lynn Mascarinas
GTM Strategist, Quiet Conversion
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